Death Cafés: Accepting Death Is a Key to Living Well

Kicked the bucket. Bought the farm. Gone to a better place. Expired. Departed. Gone bad. Left us. Bit the dust. Put to rest. Pushing up daisies. Cashed in. Checked out. Crossed over. Met your maker. Passed away. Gave up the ghost.

These are just a few of the many euphemisms that I have heard to describe death. I’m sure many of us who work in hospice have a similar list of creative ways to describe the dying process. We live in a culture that tries to deny death in just about any way it can, so much so that we’ve almost eliminated the word “death” from our vocabulary, preferring to replace it with idioms that temper the sting of loss.

It’s almost like we believe that if we never talk about death, then it will never happen. The reality is that we, too, will one day die.

The death of a loved one can be a painful and traumatic experience, but like so many kinds of suffering, our understanding and experiences of death can give us an opportunity to grow and make our lives more meaningful.

In the last year, the national conversation has taken the subject of death in a different direction. People are beginning to talk about death and how having a healthy view of our own mortality can actually benefit the way we live our lives.

All across the country, the Death Café movement is helping men and women, young and old, talk about death in a safe and accepting environment. It’s raising our cultural awareness of death in a way that can better inform how we live. A Death Café is not a support group, but rather a place totalk openly about a taboo subject and seek honest answers to questions that ultimately, we all have to deal with. We’ve recently held our first Death Café in the Akron, OH area, and the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive:

“I’m excited that finally in our society we can get together and talk openly about the subject of death.”

“Left me with a more positive attitude on death.”

“Insightful, provocative and thought-provoking.”

“Enlightening, hopeful and cheerful – good to hear the laughter considering the topic!”

Many may be concerned that it’s too morbid a subject to talk about or mention. Even more, some people may believe that talking about death would make it a reality in our lives. In one sense, I hope so. It is because we are finite beings that our time on this Earth is so precious and gives meaning to how we choose to live, because our time is limited. I believe that the secret to dying well is living well; that to live a life free of the fear of death involves talking about it openly. Death Cafés help in this endeavor.

The more we can explore and talk about death, the better we’ll live.

For more information on Death Cafés including how you might be able to host your own, visitwww.deathcafe.com.

Jeffrey Vidt
Crossroads Hospice Chaplain
Green, OH