Bereavement: After Losing a Partner, What Comes Next?

Linda Doss is a Crossroads Hospice social worker who recently lost her partner.

Sam and I met over 11 years ago. He was a musician with a local group that played for a senior Christmas party sponsored by the hospital where I worked.

When Sam died a few months ago without any warning signs, my life changed instantly. Having worked in hospice for over 11 years, I know the signs. But not this time.

During this time of bereavement, what do I miss? The sound of his voice, his wonderful smile, being asked where and when our next adventure would be, and knowing that no matter what time of the day or night, we could always call each other and it was okay.

Honestly, the most difficult times are the evenings alone.  Sienfield isn't nearly as funny by myself.My phone doesn’t ring at 10:30 for a goodnight call.  Those are the times my mind drifts back to our adventures: driving on a red dirt road in Arizona without another soul in sight; visiting Sardinia and touring a nuraghe, and many other travel memories.

I reached out for bereavement support right after he died to discuss funeral arrangements. My Bereavement Coordinator provided the positive feedback and comfort that I needed during one of the most difficult times of my life.  The support I’ve received from my Crossroads Hospice co-workers, who dropped by at calling hours, was phenomenal.  My family spent extra time with me during the holidays, insisting I take care of myself. But where, or how, do you start?

As a hospice worker, this was familiar advice: Get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, start exercising.

For me, what works is remembering to take baby steps. The big steps will come later.

Some of those baby steps I'm taking include reaching out to friends. Not just to talk about loss, but to catch a movie, or dinner, or even for some retail therapy. I'm also taking extra time to rekindle some long-distance friendships.

And the next big step? Planning a new adventure.

Linda Doss
Crossroads Hospice
Social Worker

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