Properly Honoring Our Veterans: Questions to Avoid

Each year on Veteran’s Day, November 11th, we honor the hundreds of thousands of men and women who’ve served our nation. Cities across the country will host patriotic parades, school events and neighborhood celebrations as people of all ages salute the Veterans in their community.

As you celebrate Veteran’s Day, you may have questions for Veterans in your neighborhood, workplace or family about their service.  Many Veterans feel a deep sense of pride, and are comfortable sharing their experiences. But others have never told their stories, or been properly thanked for their service. Simple questions, even if coming from a place of curiosity, can trigger painful and vivid memories.

A staggering number of Veterans have experienced post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). According to National Center for PTSD, part of the Department of Veterans Affairs, between 12 and 20 percent of the troops returning from Iraq are diagnosed with PTSD, and more than 30 percent of Vietnam Veterans have been diagnosed with the disorder. People who suffer from PTSD often relive their traumatic experiences through nightmares or flashbacks, and experience a variety of mental and physical symptoms that can impair their daily lives and personal relationships.

Symptoms of PTSD may include difficulty sleeping, depression, substance abuse, irritability, and memory problems. PTSD can be treated, yet reports show that many Veterans do not know they have PTSD or do not seek treatment for their symptoms. In some cases, as Veterans near the end of their lives, they can develop PTSD as their physical and emotional defenses weaken. Many struggle with the loss of their fellow comrades or recall vivid memories of combat that happened decades earlier.

All of our Veterans, regardless of their age, background, or time in which they served, deserve to be treated with the highest level of gratitude. There are certain questions we should never ask our Veterans as we are inquiring about their time in service:

1) Did you kill anyone?

This is a very inappropriate, yet unfortunately common question asked of Veterans. It not only invades privacy but may also bring up traumatic experiences and force Veterans to relive vivid memories and experience feelings of shame and guilt.

2) Were you afraid?

This may seem like a harmless question, but it may feel insulting to Veterans due to a lack of understanding of their circumstances during service.

3) Were you wounded?

If you are speaking with a Veteran, any information about injuries should be volunteered by him/her.

4) What’s the worst thing that happened to you over there?

If you would not feel comfortable answering, “What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you?” in detail to an acquaintance or coworker, it’s not appropriate to ask a Veteran this question.

5) Do you think we should have been “there” in the first place?

All people have opinions on war and politics, but it should not be assumed that Veterans are open to discussing these issues, their reason for serving, or other personal matters.

6) Was it worth it?

The emotional and physical costs of war are devastating, and may take their toll on Veterans years after they return home. It’s impossible for Veterans, or civilians, to put a “price” on the number of lives that have been lost and affected by any war.

Remember to avoid these questions as you recognize the Veterans in your lives this November and throughout the year, so they may feel comfortable sharing their experiences.